Sasha Writes

Notebook of Flow Less Thoughts..

I still can't believe
that six years have passed..
All of us fought
Not for wealth..
Not for power..
But to survive..
To take one more breath..

We WON..
You lost..
You had to leave..
Even without last respect..

I still recall..
That mourning surrounding..
Full of mosquitoes..
Weeping noise all over..
It is still shocking me..
That You all left me and went..

Friends, relations and neighbors..
I can give a huge list..
It is still paining to recall..
The way they had to leave..

Time flies..
Six years have passed..
Memories are left..
Every time I see the sea..
I recall the battle to survive..

[This was written in memory of all my relations, neighbors, friends and everyone who left us on the 26th of December 2004. Time may fly.. But memories never die.. I still remember every second of that battle.. God.. I Pray You.. No more Tsunamis..!]

(This is from the movie New York [2009] nd for some reason I just love it.. Could not stop blogging it... )

Tune jo na kaha mein woh sunta raha
What you never uttered is what I always heard.

Khamakha bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams.

mmmm mmm mmmmmm… mmm mmmm

Tune jo na kaha, mein woh sunta raha
What you never uttered is what I always heard.

Khamakha bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams

Jaane kiski humein lag gayi hai nazar
Don't know whose evil eye casted upon me

Is shehar mein na apna tikana raha
Now there is no place/shelter left for me in this city

Durr chaahat se main apni chalta raha
I kept on walking away from my love

Khamaka bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams

Watch the full video here..

Once again I let you down..
I let you break
And hit the ground

Dear Heart..
I know the pain is great..
I'm trying to fix it
But i suppose it was my own fate..

Dear Heart,
I learned my lesson
Please forgive me..
I beg you
Please forgive me..

Dear Heart,
I don't blame you
While you were trying to warn me
I did what my mind made me do

Perhaps I was a fool..
I should have listened to you..
I am Sorry that I didn't..
At the end I end up breaking you..

I promise AGAIN..
Never again I will doubt you..
In my choices you'll play the biggest part
My dear heart..
I'm sorry that you are broken..

Starting point of this point of this blog post is a question asked my lecturer on last Friday. Actually what he meant was the book "Who Will Cry When Die" by Robin Sharma but since that I am trying to answer this question but I find no answer for that. Many of my batch mates were clueless and was staring at the lecturer with a question mark when he asked "Who will cry when you die?"..

Ok.. Fine.. Here is my story.. I am trying to answer this question "Who will Cry When I Die?"

I start from people around me.. I am thinking.. Thinking.. Thinking.. I have tried to make people pleased.. But many of those attempt failed and ended up making me feel like a loser.. In fact I have not made anyone happy.. I have done nothing to the society.. So who is gonna cry when I die?

One aspect to the answer is my parent. Well.. They will obviously cry because I am their only kid.. Apart from that I have no siblings or anyone to be worried about if I die..

Lets go to the next step.. FRIENDS.. Answer is there are no friends who will actually feel the loss of this girl called "Hajara".. I have done nothing to friends.. I have never made them happy.. I actually do not understand them.. So, no one is going to cry..

Next.. The society..I have done nothing to the society.. They actually do not feel whether I am alive or dead.. So the conclusion is there is going to be no impact on the society when I die.. So that nobody is going to cry for me..

I think I need a change.. I need to do something to the society.. The society should remember me at least for few years after my death.. I should seek a way to make a difference.. Seeking begins..!

Long journey
Comes to an end..
It is the big day..
You all graduate..

I am sad..
Because you vacate..
I am happy
Because my best friend is a graduate..

All these days..
The door was closed..
You tried hard and
Made it opened..
Go through it..
Start your career....

Do not look back..
You will feel satisfied..
Look forward..
And achieve more..!

Congratulations on you graduation and Good Luck with your career..!!

[This is another flow less thought on graduation of my best friend Haneez Haroon.. Congratulations.. You are a graduate now.. ! ]

I can prove me right..
With movies and quotes..
It is all about fantasy..
Never the reality..

You are something
Out of my reach..
I made the mistake
knowing that
It was a mistake..

Expectations are high..
I can not comply..
What can I do
If I can not abide by..

I hate the realty..
I need that fantasy..
Oh.. No..
Why can't I accept
That I made a mistake?

Do you read me?
Yes.. NO.. NO..!
May be Yes.. May be No..
All what I know is
I am taking to an unresponsive creature..

When love is what I am trying to hide
None understands what is wrong..
Sudden sparks appear..
And disappear after a while..
Making everyone think I am OK..

Yes.. I pretend.. I am OK..
Yes.. It is easier..
Easier than explaining
Why I am not OK..
And Please do believe..
I am OK..

Dear Love,

Can you hear me?
I wish you can..
But in reality you don't..
Do you know how much I care for you?
I guess you don't..
Every time I tried to make you see
That there is somebody to right next to you
Fate brought up a wall
between you and me..
I no more bear heart breaks..
Tell me whether this is real or an illusion?
Just Accept me or reject me..


Believe it or not.....

This world cup is already determined by this number......> >

1.Brazil won the World cup in 1994 ; before that they also won in 1970.> Adding 1970+1994 = 3964> >

2.Argentina won its last World cup in 1986 ; before that they also won in> 1978. Adding 1978+1986=3964> >

3.Germany won its last World cup in 1990 ; before that they also won in> 1974. Adding 1974+1990=3964> >

4.Brazil also won the World cup in 2002 ; before that they also won in> 1962.. Adding 1962+2002=3964> >

5.Therefore ..

If you want to know what nation is going to win the World cup> in 2010.

You only have to subtract 2010 from the magic number that we have> determined:
3964. // 3964 -2010=1954 ....

In 1954 the World cup was won by '> Germany '!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought of sharing some of ma experiences with you as a group member and a group leader. As a preface I am not a person who has an negative attitude towards group working.. In fact I was so attached to group working when I was an Interactor. I had best days in my life and realized how interesting to be in a group and we were able to bear the success and failure as a group.. There was no one to get all credit when something goes well. When something went wrong it was considered as a collective responsibility and at times I have personally tried to take responsibility of certain things but my colleagues did not let me do that. Coming from such a culture with positive attitude towards team working U must be wondering what is it that I am trying to tell now..

With time things have changed.. I have moved to a place where people do not understand how to be flexible.. This so bureaucratic.. We study about being flexible and but it never work when we do group assignments..

May be I was wrong last time and it was one of ma failures. I admit that I misled U all.. But it doeskin mean that I am gonna fail this time too.. And last attempt was da only failure that I had after many successful attempts. I still remember how you reacted when I was a success.. It was like I am the king and you all were lucky to be led by me. But once I fail at a step it is like all my fault..

I have decided now.. I am gonna let you do whatever you want in the way you want.. Then success or failure becomes yours.. NOT mine.. I will tolerate.. I will bear the pain inside me.. I hope I will be a success..

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me


There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You're asking me
To feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are?


We live in a nation where

-pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance police

-you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%

-rice is Rs 60/- per kg but sim card is free

-the footwear we wear are sold in AC showrooms but vegetables that we eat are sold on the footpath

-we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash liquids with real lemon

(Anon, n.d)

I Hate Luv Storys is a forthcoming film starring Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor in the lead roles. The film is a romantic comedy directed by debutante Punit Malhotra and produced under Karan Johar's Dharma Productions and Ronnie Screwvala's UTV Motion Pictures.[1] I Hate Luv Stories is scheduled for release on 2nd July, 2010.[2] Punit Malhotra is the nephew of designer Manish Malhotra and has earlier worked as an assistant director to Johar.


I hate luv storys is the maxim Jay lives by. But as an assistant director to Veer, the most famous romantic filmmaker of Indian Film Industry, Jay has little option but to live with larger than life, glossy, cinematic love on an everyday basis. Things only get worse when he is made to work under the new production designer on the film… Simran, with whom he shares the strangest first encounter!
Simran loves luv storys; So much so that even her life has begun to resemble one. With her ideal job and the perfect boyfriend, Raj, she lives a blissful, dreamy life; One that is rudely interrupted by Jay’s cynicism.
The turmoil’s of Jay and Simran’s life, is ironically interweaved with the Luv Story that they are working on…. But will Jay and Simran ever find their own Love Story??


Imran Khan as Jay Dhingra
Sonam Kapoor as Simran Sharma
Sameer Dattani as Raj
Samir Soni as Veer Kapoor
Aamir Ali as Rajeev Kumar
Om Puri as Sankath Ram

Currently I am experiencing a weird experience where I figured out that the exams and getting sick have a relationship.. In ma further analysis I figured out that there is a strong positive core relationship exists..

As a consequence of being sick the student feels sleepy and this can be seen as a symptom which is quite common during examination periods. After my detail analysis I built up a formula which will be useful for all of u..

Exams and Sicknesses are positively related..

As a result of being sick sleeping time too increases.. I.e. Sleeping time and being sick is also positively interrelated. (Sickness=Sleep)

Conclusion is exams and sleeping time are positively interrelated.. ;-)

(More u have exams more the time you sleep)

Unakena nan enakena nee
Ninaikayil inikudhey
udalena nan uyirena nee
Irupadhu pidikudhey eh…
Unadhuyiraai enadhuyirum
Ulavida thudikudhey
Thani oru nan thani oru nee
Ninaikavum valikudhey….
Idhayathai idhukaadhalai idhukaadhalai idam maatrinai
Irukumoru thunbathai kudiyetrinai
Pudhumaigal thandhu magizhchiyil
Enai aazhtha parisugal thedi pidippai
Kasandhidum seidhi vandhaal
Pagirndhida pakkam nee iruppai
Noyena konjam paduthaal
thaiyena maari anaippai
Unadhu kadhalil….. Vizhundhene…

Aruginil va…aruginil va..
Iruvizhi valikudhey..
Unadhuyuril enadhuyirai
ootrida thudikudhey
Naanyena nee neeyena nan
Inaindhida pidikudhey
Pudhu ulagam pudhu salanam
Valithida thavikudhey
Mazhaigalil kaatrodu boogambam vandhalumey
Unadhumadi nan thoongum veedagumey
Aruginil vandhu madiyinil
Saindhu paduthal melliya kuralil isaipaai
Marbinil mugathai pudhaithaal
Koondhalai kodhi koduppai
Aruginil mayangi kidandhaal
Asainthida kooda marappai
Unadhu kaadhalil….vizhudhene…
Maraname bayandhidum thoorathil
Naam vazhgindrom….
Manidha nilai thaandi pogirom
Ini namakendrum pirivillaye..

(Male voice)
Enakena edhuvum seidhaai
Unakena enna nan seiven?
Pongidum nenjin unarvai
Sollavum vaarthai podhadhey..
Vizhigalim oram thulirkkum
Oru thuli neerey sollatum
Unadhu kadhalil vizhundhene…

Unakena nan enakena nee
Ninaikayil inikudhey
udalena nan uyirena nee
Irupadhu pidikudhey eh…

We had joy.
We had fun..
Every meeting has a farewell..
So My dear friends..
Day by day..
We are moving towards our farewell..
There is a reason to be happy..
But.. More than that..
We have got reasons to cry..
Life has to move on..
So we should let things go..
Another legend has to be witnessed..
Before we leave..
During remaining 11 months..

Yeah.. We should.. N This has to be the best time in our lives..

You said goodbye
I fell apart
I fell from all we had
To I never knew
I needed you so bad

You need to let things go
I know, you told me so
I've been through hell
To break the spell

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If you could see me now
You would know just how
How hard I try
Not to wonder why

I wish I could believe in something new
Oh please somebody tell me it's not true
I'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If I could have you back tomorrow
If I could lose the pain and sorrow
I would do just anything
To make you see
You still love me

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I just started writing this post just to make myself comfortable by expressing the unexpressed feelings in me. This is all related to one of my friends who never understand that his words really hurt me and even when I express it I become the wrong doer. For god sake I am telling you, I never wanted to lose U. But u according to you I am in the process of forgetting you and U believe I have all tweets just to express the hate in ma mind. My dear friend.. U never realize.. Me having tweet does not mean that I hate you. But itz just one way out to express my suppressed feeling. Anyways..Now according to you I am a person who thinks that U are the wrong doer and you kill ma happiness. My tweets were never intended to mean something like that but you do believe.. Anyways.. Itz up to you to use your brain and decide on what is right and what is wrong.. Just think.. and Decide.. Please do not hurt me with your words.. I will not bear this any more..

Though this is ma first post I decided to write about something which is not gonna make any sense. Well.. Lets call it a fulfillment of a request.. ;-)

A thing that can make this earth a hell to me is screaming in ma ears. I mean when you read this for the first time it will make no sense but if you are put in to ma situation you will soon realize how screaming can irritate a calm and quite person. When I was at home I was brought up in a peaceful and calm environment where there were no screaming unless I scream at my mom. Once I came to Colombo I realized real meaning of the word screaming and decided to name the City as the City of Screams. When I settled in my current place in Colombo it gave me an opportunity to define this word with a better understanding where I am struggling second by second to avoid noises. As the last resort to end this problem I have decided to use cotton in ma ears so that I will be less distracted by screaming..

One more aspect.. I do not mind kids screaming. But what irritates me is when adults or teenagers scream for no reason may be because of stupid arguments. I hate it.. I hate it..

And best part is my friends used to say that I always scream and so how come I hate others screaming. If u are saying that I scream for no reason when I talk, U all do not know the meaning of the word screaming. If u are are really interested I can take you to my place and show you all what is called screaming. ;-)



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