Sasha Writes

(This is from the movie New York [2009] nd for some reason I just love it.. Could not stop blogging it... )

Tune jo na kaha mein woh sunta raha
What you never uttered is what I always heard.

Khamakha bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams.

mmmm mmm mmmmmm… mmm mmmm

Tune jo na kaha, mein woh sunta raha
What you never uttered is what I always heard.

Khamakha bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams

Jaane kiski humein lag gayi hai nazar
Don't know whose evil eye casted upon me

Is shehar mein na apna tikana raha
Now there is no place/shelter left for me in this city

Durr chaahat se main apni chalta raha
I kept on walking away from my love

Khamaka bewaja khwaab buntha raha
Just for nothing, without reason I kept on weaving dreams

Watch the full video here..

Once again I let you down..
I let you break
And hit the ground

Dear Heart..
I know the pain is great..
I'm trying to fix it
But i suppose it was my own fate..

Dear Heart,
I learned my lesson
Please forgive me..
I beg you
Please forgive me..

Dear Heart,
I don't blame you
While you were trying to warn me
I did what my mind made me do

Perhaps I was a fool..
I should have listened to you..
I am Sorry that I didn't..
At the end I end up breaking you..

I promise AGAIN..
Never again I will doubt you..
In my choices you'll play the biggest part
My dear heart..
I'm sorry that you are broken..

Starting point of this point of this blog post is a question asked my lecturer on last Friday. Actually what he meant was the book "Who Will Cry When Die" by Robin Sharma but since that I am trying to answer this question but I find no answer for that. Many of my batch mates were clueless and was staring at the lecturer with a question mark when he asked "Who will cry when you die?"..


Ok.. Fine.. Here is my story.. I am trying to answer this question "Who will Cry When I Die?"

I start from people around me.. I am thinking.. Thinking.. Thinking.. I have tried to make people pleased.. But many of those attempt failed and ended up making me feel like a loser.. In fact I have not made anyone happy.. I have done nothing to the society.. So who is gonna cry when I die?

One aspect to the answer is my parent. Well.. They will obviously cry because I am their only kid.. Apart from that I have no siblings or anyone to be worried about if I die..

Lets go to the next step.. FRIENDS.. Answer is there are no friends who will actually feel the loss of this girl called "Hajara".. I have done nothing to friends.. I have never made them happy.. I actually do not understand them.. So, no one is going to cry..

Next.. The society..I have done nothing to the society.. They actually do not feel whether I am alive or dead.. So the conclusion is there is going to be no impact on the society when I die.. So that nobody is going to cry for me..

I think I need a change.. I need to do something to the society.. The society should remember me at least for few years after my death.. I should seek a way to make a difference.. Seeking begins..!

I can prove me right..
With movies and quotes..
It is all about fantasy..
Never the reality..

You are something
Out of my reach..
I made the mistake
knowing that
It was a mistake..

Expectations are high..
I can not comply..
What can I do
If I can not abide by..

I hate the realty..
I need that fantasy..
Oh.. No..
Why can't I accept
That I made a mistake?

Do you read me?
Yes.. NO.. NO..!
May be Yes.. May be No..
All what I know is
I am taking to an unresponsive creature..

When love is what I am trying to hide
None understands what is wrong..
Sudden sparks appear..
And disappear after a while..
Making everyone think I am OK..

Yes.. I pretend.. I am OK..
Yes.. It is easier..
Easier than explaining
Why I am not OK..
And Please do believe..
I am OK..

Dear Love,

Can you hear me?
I wish you can..
But in reality you don't..
Do you know how much I care for you?
I guess you don't..
Every time I tried to make you see
That there is somebody to right next to you
Fate brought up a wall
between you and me..
I no more bear heart breaks..
Tell me whether this is real or an illusion?
Just Accept me or reject me..

From,
ME..

Believe it or not.....

This world cup is already determined by this number......> >

1.Brazil won the World cup in 1994 ; before that they also won in 1970.> Adding 1970+1994 = 3964> >

2.Argentina won its last World cup in 1986 ; before that they also won in> 1978. Adding 1978+1986=3964> >

3.Germany won its last World cup in 1990 ; before that they also won in> 1974. Adding 1974+1990=3964> >

4.Brazil also won the World cup in 2002 ; before that they also won in> 1962.. Adding 1962+2002=3964> >


5.Therefore ..

If you want to know what nation is going to win the World cup> in 2010.


You only have to subtract 2010 from the magic number that we have> determined:
3964. // 3964 -2010=1954 ....


In 1954 the World cup was won by '> Germany '!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought of sharing some of ma experiences with you as a group member and a group leader. As a preface I am not a person who has an negative attitude towards group working.. In fact I was so attached to group working when I was an Interactor. I had best days in my life and realized how interesting to be in a group and we were able to bear the success and failure as a group.. There was no one to get all credit when something goes well. When something went wrong it was considered as a collective responsibility and at times I have personally tried to take responsibility of certain things but my colleagues did not let me do that. Coming from such a culture with positive attitude towards team working U must be wondering what is it that I am trying to tell now..

With time things have changed.. I have moved to a place where people do not understand how to be flexible.. This so bureaucratic.. We study about being flexible and but it never work when we do group assignments..

May be I was wrong last time and it was one of ma failures. I admit that I misled U all.. But it doeskin mean that I am gonna fail this time too.. And last attempt was da only failure that I had after many successful attempts. I still remember how you reacted when I was a success.. It was like I am the king and you all were lucky to be led by me. But once I fail at a step it is like all my fault..

I have decided now.. I am gonna let you do whatever you want in the way you want.. Then success or failure becomes yours.. NOT mine.. I will tolerate.. I will bear the pain inside me.. I hope I will be a success..

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

[Chorus:]
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

[Chorus]

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You're asking me
To feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are?

[Chorus]

We live in a nation where

-pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance police

-you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%

-rice is Rs 60/- per kg but sim card is free

-the footwear we wear are sold in AC showrooms but vegetables that we eat are sold on the footpath

-we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash liquids with real lemon

(Anon, n.d)

I just started writing this post just to make myself comfortable by expressing the unexpressed feelings in me. This is all related to one of my friends who never understand that his words really hurt me and even when I express it I become the wrong doer. For god sake I am telling you, I never wanted to lose U. But u according to you I am in the process of forgetting you and U believe I have all tweets just to express the hate in ma mind. My dear friend.. U never realize.. Me having tweet does not mean that I hate you. But itz just one way out to express my suppressed feeling. Anyways..Now according to you I am a person who thinks that U are the wrong doer and you kill ma happiness. My tweets were never intended to mean something like that but you do believe.. Anyways.. Itz up to you to use your brain and decide on what is right and what is wrong.. Just think.. and Decide.. Please do not hurt me with your words.. I will not bear this any more..

Though this is ma first post I decided to write about something which is not gonna make any sense. Well.. Lets call it a fulfillment of a request.. ;-)

A thing that can make this earth a hell to me is screaming in ma ears. I mean when you read this for the first time it will make no sense but if you are put in to ma situation you will soon realize how screaming can irritate a calm and quite person. When I was at home I was brought up in a peaceful and calm environment where there were no screaming unless I scream at my mom. Once I came to Colombo I realized real meaning of the word screaming and decided to name the City as the City of Screams. When I settled in my current place in Colombo it gave me an opportunity to define this word with a better understanding where I am struggling second by second to avoid noises. As the last resort to end this problem I have decided to use cotton in ma ears so that I will be less distracted by screaming..

One more aspect.. I do not mind kids screaming. But what irritates me is when adults or teenagers scream for no reason may be because of stupid arguments. I hate it.. I hate it..

And best part is my friends used to say that I always scream and so how come I hate others screaming. If u are saying that I scream for no reason when I talk, U all do not know the meaning of the word screaming. If u are are really interested I can take you to my place and show you all what is called screaming. ;-)